Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
