Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
