Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
