i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
only you would photoshop your dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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