I got chris browned last night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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