WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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