I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
