If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
