Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
