i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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