i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
