I'm so fucking centered right now
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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