I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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