At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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