i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
