he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
