hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
