I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
