I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
