I'm going to jail i love you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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