My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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