Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
