watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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