At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
