dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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