I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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