i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
