Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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