Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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