i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
