Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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