This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
