omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
