he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
