First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
