He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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