You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
