Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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