Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
