This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
