He is an equal opportunity slut.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
