yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
