Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
