Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
