She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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