He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
