Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
