He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
