look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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