shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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