I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
