I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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