woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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