my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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