like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were trust falling into bushes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
